Letter from Roscoe to the Old Country

Dear Mother and Father,

Greetings and love to the land and parents of my birth! Though I will never forget my little village in Batukas, I feel great satisfaction in my new home in Roscoe, Illinois, United States of America. It is a great privilege to live in such a wonderful country. Wanting to show my gratitude, as soon as I bought my house, I telephoned a government official called an "Assessor" and asked her how I could contribute. She was happy to assist me, and in fact, had already begun thinking about that question.

I am told that I am not the only immigrant in Roscoe, but I have not yet heard anyone here speaking German, Irish, Italian, or Swedish, which are some of the most common ethnicities here. I learned that some of the best restaurants in Roscoe are owned by Albanian-Americans, which is wonderful.

I am learning in my U.S. citizenship class about the Declaration of Independence. Rights are very important to Americans, and it says that some of them are "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Voting is another way in which Americans pursue Happiness. I don't know what the others are. I need to ask my teacher about this. I also need to ask about the Capitalization.

I noticed that people didn't seem very Happy during the last presidential election, but they don't seem much Happier after the election either. I took out my calculator to gain insight into this. A little more than one-third voted for one candidate, and they seemed Happy when he won. Almost one-third of Americans voted for the other candidate, and they weren't Happy when he lost. And one-third weren't Happy enough to even bother to vote. So two-thirds of Americans were going to be Unhappy no matter what the results were.

About the local government here. I am still figuring it out. I live in the Village of Roscoe and in Roscoe Township and in Winnebago County. Next month I will pay taxes for ten different government agencies at once. Fortunately, none of them have their own soldiers or armies, as they had in Batukas a few years ago. Here, all the government agencies work peacefully with each other. I think.

The Village of Roscoe is governed by a Board of Trustees, much like the village elders back home. The leader is the village president. He is much the same as our village chieftain, except he doesn't wear a ceremonial headdress. He could, I suppose. I remember that in Batukas, our village elders would sit in a circle and talk amongst each other until everybody was reasonably happy with their decision. In the American governments, it doesn't seem to work like that. If only half the people are Unhappy, that's good.

Roscoe is in northern Illinois, with many cornfields, almost on the Wisconsin border. Aunt Eguskina and Uncle Jakome keep writing to me about Chicago gangster movies they saw. Please tell them not to worry, because Roscoe is far from Chicago. If I drove 50 miles east, it might start to look like Chicago, though if I drove 100 miles east, my car would be in Lake Michigan. Roscoe is near Rockford, but we would rather be farther away, if possible.

You may have heard that Northern Illinois has some of the most fertile soil in the world. Indeed, thanks to the previous owner, my front yard already has an abundance of wholesome and nutritious crops, such as dandelions and garlic mustard. I didn't have time to harvest them all this year before they burst into colorful flowers, but I expect they will grow even more prolifically next year. I am considering planting some of them in pots and selling them on Etsy.

I will write again soon. Tell Gizane not to break my Xbox.

Your son,

Ximon